The Kursed Apple
As I was walking through a forest,I saw this fresh juicy apple just waiting to be eaten.
I picked the apple off the tree and I was about to take a bite, until this lady came out of nowhere and said” If you eat that apple there will be consequences.”
To be honest I didn't really care what she said so I took a bite anyways.
Woke up in a bottle. “What the heck! Where am I? is this a dream .?”
Trying to call for help! It's no use! I think back …
Can't take this anymore! Hungry,cold and sick. About to give up until this kid picks me up in the bottle and throws me on the ground. The bottle breaks.
Yay I'm free but I’m still tiny. I don't care because I wont be seen again and I can do whatever I want.
Next steps
More information about each thing that happened eg more about walking in the forest more about eating the apple more about being in the bottle when it was thrown.
More words to describe to describe things to make a picture in your readers head.
Correct use of full stops at the end of each sentence and capital letters at the beginning use of commas.
Strengths
Use dialogue
A beginning , a middle with a problem and a great ending.
Use of paragraphs.
Sharing your feelings.
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